What is the perfect gift that I can give to somebody that is grieving?
One of my favorite sayings is by one of the coolest teachers Ram Dass, who said “We are all walking each other home”. One of my other favorite sayings is a profound and beautiful Chinese proverb “One day three Autumns”. Both of these sayings spoke volumes to me, especially after I had experienced both sayings in ways that is hard to put into words. These sayings resonate so deeply.
Losing somebody close to me
The first saying became a reality for me when my mother was diagnosed with very long and critical health issues. She had lung disease, colon cancer, and then in the last few years of her life, dementia. I especially knew the last year of her life was her walk home and I know she knew it too. When she decided she was tired of treatments and no longer had any quality of life she decided to go into hospice care. It was so painful, yet a part of me felt relief for her that she would soon be free from her sufferings. I believe we leave in the same state we come – pure love. All the attachments and sufferings of our human life disappear. The thought my mother would feel that again instead of fear made walking her home somewhat bearable, but some days it was incredibly painful.
What I couldn’t prepare for was how I would feel when she left her physical body. Because I was her caretaker for many moons, I could not prepare for the emptiness that followed. Despite her being able to live a long life, and that she was suffering for so many years, I still thought all of that would make her loss easier. I was having trouble keeping up with all her needs, and balls were falling left and right through those years. I thought those facts would make her loss easier. The truth is, none of those things stopped me from experiencing what became a the hardest mile in my life. Six months prior I lost a best friend to cancer, and the year before a brother who I adored. In between and a year after I lost five furry kids. I was gutted to the core and the challenge became building a life here even though some of those closest to me, I could no longer see, or touch. There were days it felt like I couldn’t breathe. Indeed one day did feel like three autumns. As I write this tears are streaming but I am thankful I can share this and hopefully help someone reading this.
The other saying “that time heals all wounds“, as irritating as it sounds, made me realize there is some truth to that. What helped heal me the most came in the form of a cardinal.
Feathers from heaven, Love Never Dies
A few days after my mother’s death, I had my first real panic attack. I was her caretaker and because she had dementia, it was almost on a maternal level. I became her parent in many ways. One day it hit me. I couldn’t call her, I couldn’t check on her, and I had to surrender to this fact. I buried my head into my hands and wept. I then prayed that she would please be sent to me as a cardinal to let me know she was safe, happy and still with me. I hadn’t heard about the cardinal experience and chose the cardinal because of a cardinal vest she wore and because we didn’t see many cardinals.
A couple of days later as I was making her photo boards for her funeral service, my dog Luna Bella was barking downstairs. Both were uncommon occurrences from Luna. She could hardly use her back legs so she never left my side. She also wasn’t much of a barker, at least not at things that weren’t me. Lol. I ran downstairs and she was barking at something through the glass door. Yes, it was her. The cardinal came. It was close. I fell to me knees sobbing. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I spoke to my mother, told her how much I loved her and missed her. The cardinal bounced closer. It was truly a miracle. Since then at the most uncanny moments, she returns.
A couple of years later the Red Feathered Soul poem came to me through spirit and I connected with an artist who would help create the pieces. I had long admired Spirit Lala’s work and when I called to ask if they would like to collaborate, my now dear friend said to me, “you will never guess what I am holding in my hand”. Yes, the cardinal piece was in Edmond’s hand at the very moment I called and asked if they would help us on this healing journey.
I do believe in miracles, because I was given them and I knew I needed to share them. This was the beginning of the Angels in Flight line. It has been an amazing journey hearing from people how their loved ones come to visit as Blue Jays, dragonflies, butterflies, Robins and Hummingbirds. They all had one thing in common, they have wings, they are Angels in Flight. All of the poems came through spirit and the message is, we are still together always. There is no time and space that will change our bond. We will meet again, and to please live, love and laugh.Our time here is fleeting.
We hope to help you heal or someone you know heal, connect and find hope with this line. It has been such an honor to help those who have walked someone home, who have lost soul mates, mothers, fathers, children, siblings, aunts, uncles, family, friends, fur children and grandparents. Once someone has touched our life they are forever living in our hearts and there is no time or space that can ever change that. Love never dies.